At any one time, there are 6 to 8 people in our house going about a million miles an hour. Four to six of those people in our home are children. (the number fluctuates because some of Joey's kids come in and out and we get to enjoy Angel from time to time...his social calendar is full so he works us in when he can!) So as you can see, the parental unit in this house has been regulated to zone defense because we are wildly out numbered! The only way to keep the zone solid and in check is to have rules. Oh kids love that word - RULES! But truly the only way to manage the madness is to not only have rules established, but also a schedule we live by daily. It might not seem like fun or a life full of spontaneity, but it keeps us from killing each other! Super important!
~~ Be Kind! For goodness sake, please find ways to be kind/nice to each other instead of looking for reasons to fight. Remember, your outlook affects your outside actions! If you are kind, then others will be kind to you. And no, if you sister is half way falling, pushing her ALL the way down is not kindness or helpfulness!
~~ Respect each other's personal space. If someone says get away, get away. If someone says get off them, get off them. If someone says they don't want you touching them, then don't. We all have the gosh darn right to be left alone. Respect that right & expect the same in return. And yes Kaylee, this rule does apply to you as well...as much as you have decided at about the age of 1 it didn't, it DOES! (hehehe Kaylee is a slightly touchy person)
~~ You are a foot away, there is no reason to be so loud. Yes, I know there are a lot of us in here & sometimes you just want to be heard, but we don't need the entire street to hear you. And you are talking to someone who is less than a foot away. You don't need to be so loud. KEEP IT DOWN! (we have vaulted ceilings so you can only imagine the volume level!)
~~ Not everything needs a response! Oh my gosh, did I ask you if you put that there? No, I told you to pick it up. That does not require a response! Just do it! So many times our kids think they need to have a response (and many times the response is of the sassy variety) to what they are told. NOPE! When I am telling you something, you just need to do it. I didn't ask so I don't want to know! If we had a "discussion" every time something needed to be done or someone had a thought about what they were being told to do, nothing would ever get done around our house!
~~ Yes, you are your brother/sister's keeper! In a large family everyone is responsible for someone else. If your sister is screaming from the shower and both the rents are occupied doing something else, YOU are up! If the girls need something, yes it is your job as not only the oldest but as their brother and protector for life to be there for them. If we are not in the room (we do have to find time to blog & make up new & exciting rules you know!) then Dalton is always in charge. Help each other....stand up for each other.....one day your Dad and I will be gone & all you will have left is each other. Family is everything.....
~~ We are you parents, not your friends...that comes later...we will chat and talk about your day. We will support you and love you intensely. But we are not buddies. I am your parent. I am here to make the best possible decisions for you and yes sometimes that will mean making decisions that you might not like or understand. But I am not here to only make decisions that give you that warm and fuzzy feeling...I am trying to create well rounded and successful adults. We will be friends later.......
~~Yep, that's what is for dinner...take it or leave it, I'm not a short order cook....Kids seem to think life is about what they want..ALL THE TIME. Um, no. I make a wonderfully balanced meal for you and I try to make sure it appeals to everyone but there are a lot of you so you might have to suck it up and expand your palate. Oh and no, there are no seconds...I give you enough the first time. Let your stomach rest & watch how full you feel in about 10 minutes. (believe me when kids are hungry enough, they will eat.) ***No children were starved in the making of this rule ***
~~When I am talking, you are not! It is partly about learning to be respectful and partly about learning to really listen. This is a tough one for the kids, but we dream that one day we will not have stop every five minutes and remind the kids of this rule. DREAM ON DREAM AWAY.....
~~ Morning routine, bedtime routine...DO IT! Or suffer the wrath! Yes children while sometimes it may not seem like it, we are hygiene conscientious people. So you must brush your teeth, comb your hair, take a shower, put on deodorant, and wear clothes that match. It is not about the "show" it is about having self pride...besides, we don't need to give certain children another reason to get rowdy, you know kids can be mean and a couple of you don't need much to be set off. Besides, it is NOT cool to be the stinky kid in class....at one point my son would not bathe, brush his teeth, or use deo if we did not remind him a thousand times. He is finally getting better, but believe me it has been quite the struggle. One Sunday at church the smell was so bad, we stopped at CVS on the way home to stock the car with products for just such an emergency!
~~Do it 110 % or not at all! Bring that A game to every single thing you do. If you aren't going to give your all, then what was the point in doing it? You give it your 110% best and fail, I am okay with that. BUT, you give it 50% and fail, you and me will spend some quality time learning a valuable lesson. You will thank me one day. .....We have standards in our house, so anything below an 80 is failing. And if they decide to turn in work without trying, then they can do it 10 times at home. And yes, they hate it ,but of course both the limit testers (AKA Dalton & Kaylee) had to try me the week this rule was instituted. They both redid this work after their normal homework 10 times each. If you cannot be bothered to put forth your 110% at school, then you WILL do it over & over again at home. One way or another we ARE going to work this out. (this is usually regulated towards work with a grade that starts with a 5 or a 4! Bringing home that type of grade must mean we need lost of special "help" huh?)
~~School is YOUR job! It is MY job to work and provide you with endless amounts of dolls, clothes, nail polish, stickers, food, and video games and it is YOUR job to go to school each day with a awesome attitude and once again bring that A GAME. Life is about competition (no matter what school teaches you) so you better go in daily poised to be awesome and give your best!
~~Integrity is everything! Doing the right thing even when no one is watching...this is a rule we speak about often. We have some younger children, so this topic comes up a lot. Teaching the kids they are making the right choices and doing the "right thing" for themselves, so they can respect themselves, is harder than one would imagine. Ugh! Right now they think they are making the right choice to stay out of trouble & that is partly right, but in the end I want them to know they are making the right decision for themselves and their relationship with not only themselves but also for their faith.
I am sure I am missing some, but most rules fall under these lovely categories.
Now, about that schedule......
With this many kids, we have to live and die by our schedule. No choice here....and the kids actually respond well to always knowing what will happen and what to expect.
We do homework at a certain time, dinner at a certain time, bath at a certain time, bedtime at a certain time & we get up at a certain time & do it all again. Now how, when, & where might change with age, but structure will always remain. The weekends are a different story, but then again, not really. We have a weekend bedtime as well, it is just later than their usual bedtime.
The only change in our schedule comes when the kids are what we call "in season". This is when the kids are playing sports. Most of the kids sports, regardless of which sport, usually start & stop around the same time of the year. We keep most of the structure the same, but we do have to make some adjustments. We have several active kids so this time is trying but we make it work.
Schedule is everything to the kids. But it is especially important because we have a rather large family & some kids with some special needs. (at some point in future blogs I will go into exactly what we have been through medically with the kids) They all need ample time to get their work done, play & be active, & enough time to get the most sleep possible (<-nothing is more important than that one!) This might seem like common sense, but I cannot tell you how many people I have met/spoken with/read about that do not have their kids on any kind of schedule.
I want to sum this up with saying that this is how we do it. Nothing mind blowing or ground breaking I am sure. We are trying to raise our children the best we know how. I am sure most do what works for them in their household.
I think if we could give one piece of advice, it would be to KEEP ON KEEPING ON! Try something to help your kids or find approach to a problem, and then if it does not work, then try something else. Keep tweaking until you find something you are comfortable with & works in your house. It does not have to be what everyone else is doing...I think too many parents get caught up in what other parents are doing, or let's face it, not putting in enough thought to their parenting approach. There is no right way, just the way that keeps your family moving forward and happy.
Just another day in paradise.......... :)
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