Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Parenting of Athletic kids....Oh where to begin

I was an athlete....and not a game went by that I did not look up into the stands and see my parents there cheering me on, encouraging me, and frankly doing some coaching from the stands. (nothing crazy but you know, they knew their stuff!) It was important to me that I feel that support, that I felt like no matter what, there was someone in MY corner. And that my friends, is what a normal parent of sports playing kids do......so why does this seem so difficult for so many? In my humble opinion, youth sports today is a bit out of control.....

My kids play a mered of sports. Soccer, football, baseball, basketball, volleyball, dance, you name it, they have played it. And being into sports, coaching, and the like, I am just as into it as most parents. We go to the practices and watch and listen and take the lessons home to work on their game. Anything we can do to help them succeed is our J O B, right? But that is where it ends. We give them the tools, coaching, and advice they need while showing all the support we can in their cheering section. But we do not try to play the game for them, or become violent/crazy when things do not go our child's way. (if you doubt this happens, you have not been to a Texas football game, especially in the playoffs. Attend one and you will be a believer!)

It seems so many forget the ESPN is not at this rec league game filming for the next blue chipper. While I do admit, connections are made at the little league/rec league level that can help your child later, nothing good enough for extreme behavior. I have witnessed parents being physically removed from the stands by the POLICE for their behavior. I have witnessed 10 & 11 year olds being removed from the game for cussing out the ref. I have seen coaches physically removed from the game by officials and or police. All in the name of what? At the end of the day, they are kids and this is a game, and we are all teaching children how to behave in what I think is likely one of the most influential situations they have faced thus far in their young suburban lives.

Being shaped by coaches and parents that coached me for years, I know just how influencing a coach & league's philosophy is on a child. I have lived it & I know there were times I would have done a lot to have my coaches approval. Time might have moved on, but that want/need for their coaches approval has not changed. I think this is especially true for boys.

I have watched some of my son's coaches flounder and quit. I had to explain to my son that quitting is not an option in life. You muscle on, you identify the problem and you address it, you realize your part in the situation, but you never quit.

I have also watched some of my son's coaches also demand respect, demand attention, praise for good, push when 100% wasn't being given, and pray with the boys at the end of every practice and game. Those men, they were exactly what I wanted for my son to want to please. Salt of the Earth those men......

And I would see my son bring those lessons he learned in sports home into his every day life. You say YOU as the parent is the biggest influence in your child's life and I would agree most of the time. That is how it should be. But I also know there are key times in their lives that sports & coaches can take that spot for a hot minute.

At the end of the day, you have to be careful as a parent in what you are allowing to drive your child regarding sports. We all want to win, but you should want to do that in the right way, and everyone should remember we are teaching children how to handle the real world through their games. Play as a team, have your brother's back, give 100% every single minute, never quit, never give up, respect your coaches, realize there are bad teams out there but winning with class is the ultimate revenge, be a good sport & when you knock someone down help them up...it is just a game, don't take yourself too seriously, laugh & have fun, work hard & commit...literally I could go on & on. Those sound like sports lessons, but they all translate into life lessons. And we have to be sure of who is teaching those life lessons. That part is our job.

Additionally, as a parent I think we all have to step back and realize you cannot make them do it or what it FOR them. I was talking to my Daddy about my son one day (many moons ago) about what I felt like was his lack of competitive attitude. I told him all about the ways I had tried to promote my son's competitive side to fire up but nothing really seemed to light that fire and keep it lit. I will never forget my Daddy looking at me and saying "honey you were super competitive and mad as hell when you did not win. But that was not something we gave you. You have always been that way. It is not something you can make him do. He has to want it badly for himself. And until he does, nothing you say or do is really going to matter"...Seriously? Yep, Daddy was right. (and yes that almost fired up my competitive side to see IF I COULD make him want it....I will admit my competitive nature can be a little out of bounds sometimes! But I knew my Daddy was right.....) So I backed off. I praised the hard work and was there to workout right beside him when he decided he DID want it that much. But my son did that. He made that decision and he did it. Not me. I think as parents it can be hard to back off, but so many times, that is exactly what is warranted.

I know it is hard. Walking this thin line of pushing your child to realize their talent and burning them out, it certainly can be a tight rope. And sometimes we parents of athletic kids are going to stumble into the dark side. It happens. (Lord knows I have had to be pulled back to the straight & narrow a time or two) But I think knowing what lessons your kid is being taught and by who, surrounding them with good and talented people, and knowing your role in the situation is a way of building a good parameter.

(I will admit to praying to God for my son's football team to demolish the other team in the playoffs a time or two. I might also admit to wanting to cry hysterically when we finally lost. Invested is what I like to call it, but to some I am sure it is a little much. Thank goodness I kept that mostly between me and the Big Man upstairs. See, safety net!)

Just another day in paradise......

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