Self Acceptance

I understand we all want acceptance, to fit in. It seems to be innate inside of us. To be accepted equals to be loved in the majority of people’s mind. But maybe the point truly should be to be accepted and loved by ourselves, to live your truest self. I think once you achieve that inter peace that only comes through the purest form of self-love, that is then what you project to others and what they love about you in return.

I spent the majority of my life very dependent on what others thought of me, to the point that I hated myself most of the time. I was so hard on myself. I was never smart enough, read enough books, thin enough, had pretty hair enough, I never was the best at my sport, or nice enough…. I could really go on and on. It lead me down a couple of dark paths.

First and foremost, I was not nice to my body. Eating disorder is not something you are supposed to talk about, but when you end up in the ER from complications of not eating, there is a real self-hate issue. It was bad and I still reel from it to this day….when I am very down, my mind first goes to starving myself. It is self-harm. It is sad. If only I could have loved who I was and could see what people who loved me could see.

Then, because I had such intense self-loathing issues, I attracted people that treated me the way I felt about myself. It was a very self-destructive never ending cycle. And it was lonely….

Most people that knew me growing up would have never guessed this about me. I tried endlessly to project this image of someone that had it together, someone that was scary strong and independent, someone that did not care what others thought of me. What a sham of a life I led. It was very exhausting.

Self-love is one of the most important lessons you will ever learn.

Slowly, I have learned to like myself most days and love myself much more than I ever did before my 30s. But that mostly came from 100% acceptance and love of another person. That intense acceptance eventually smashed all my pieces back together and made me whole again. And now I relish all the time I spent absolutely hating myself. I wish I could have it all back and do it over again. But I can’t.

Now if I don’t like something about myself, I understand completely I have the power to change it. I can work out to find the body I want. I can eat on a good healthy plan to avoid the pitfalls of my eating disorder. I can cut my hair how I want. I can work on my personality or I can accept I am stubborn and loud and opinionated, but I am also loving, and caring, and hard working. I can find a balance in it all.

So do what makes you feel the best about yourself. To hell with what others think. Live your best most authentic life. Accept who you are and what gifts you bring to this world. Don’t like something, change it. Project self-love truly and it will be reflected back at you.